alright, i just need to address something here.

i was going to start this post with how i just earned the right to vote and have just recently begun caring/learning about some of the big issues that seem to be dominating our world and social media. but forget that, let's just get straight to the point.

i'm really freaking tired of people being vague about their views and beliefs on things that matter. i HATE seeing tweets and facebook posts and instagram pictures that basically sum up what happened rather than express their opinion on it. i HATE when people use others to say what they want rather than saying it themselves or use statistics to prove someone's guilt or use God to sweep the issue under the rug rather than have it dealt with. Christians, i'm looking at you. 

i used to be one of those vague people. alright, it some cases, i still am. when the ferguson and baltimore riots became the center focus of the media, i was bombarded with differing opinions from my family and my peers (some of whom reside on social media). and while i sided with the majority of the opinions coming from my peers i was unsure of what to do with my family because i didn't want to disappoint them. you know how you grow up with a certain set of beliefs and you're expected to adhere to them because your parents do and when you don't, you're seen as some sort of heathen? yeah, i'm kinda going through that right now. that's not to say my parents and i have starkly different beliefs, but they're not the same anymore, they're just similar. i don't believe the deaths of mike brown or trayvon martin or eric garner were solely their faults. but i also don't hate the police and i do not feel right saying 'f the police' just like everyone else. i'm not opposed to rioting, but i'm not for the looting. just to stay safe, i settled in saying that these people had died, and that they weren't coming back, and that the mourning of the people who loved them was completely valid. all of these things are true. but in other aspects of the issue, i stayed quiet. i let myself get vague. and while a lot of these issues can be extremely complex, it's good to know what you stand for. not just have an idea. 

so the latest issue, the duggars. you should all have an idea of what happened considering all the attention it's gotten. what i have seen in the media are replicas of the following statements "i don't know how someone can take pride in digging up another person's past" and "they're not perfect, this just proves that" and "no sin is too great for God to forgive." the last two of these statements are true. but they are not the complete point. i wish people would stop being so vague and just say what josh did was wrong, plain and simple. i wish they'd understand that it is extremely hard to forgive and cannot be done quickly or easily. i wish they'd understand that sweeping this sin under the rug by saying "Jesus forgives" completely undermines the struggle people across the world experience after being abused. because while He does forgive, there are still things that have to be dealt with to make sure both parties are okay. do NOT defend anyone without knowing the whole story or knowing as much as you can. you have to remember that there are people who have gone through this. and it's a whole lot worse than you think. as for digging up another person's past, it's done. it has happened. it's over. and since it has been brought to light, we need to first and foremost recognize that this is wrong. and we need to stop being afraid to say that. end rant, drops mic, okay? okay.

{pea ess: please keep those abused in this horrible situation in your prayers. they seem to have been forgotten in this mess.}
{pea pea ess: my mom brought this up and i think it's spot on - whether or not josh was a believer when he hurt those girls, his being saved should NOT be an excuse for his deeds. sin is sin. and in situations like this (in any situation), it should not be swept under the rug just because you've confessed your love for Jesus. okay i'm done.}



(things from my tumblr that weren't intended to go together but do.)
(should i make that a series thing?)

and just like that, i'm finished. one year of college done. i'm feeling particularly mushy these days, i think it started sometime before i went to see walk the moon in concert and just kinda escalated since then. (i've listened to aquaman at least 124 times since last week and i think i've cried every time.) the weather is actually kind of disgusting. it's raining and all that, but it's not the cleansing rain everybody loves--it's the sticky, humid rain that makes your notebook paper all moist and your hands all clammy and your hair too stringy to handle. i would probably be used to it by now if i didn't spend every waking hour in the music building at school. literally, we were in there so long the sun had gone down and the rain had already marked its territory. the weather is making things feel weird. but then, it's also making me feel. 

i don't know, i've just been thinking about a lot of things lately. for example:

1. sometimes i hate doing the right thing and believing what's right. okay so i don't hate it, but sometimes it's not fun. it's not enjoyable being the one person who doesn't have the same opinion as everyone else. you know that it'll pay off and maybe you'll be rewarded for sticking to your convictions, but when it comes down to it, you just wish you could believe what everyone else did and agree with them and not think about it twice. but you can't do that. and that sucks. 

2. alright, God has this really interesting sense of humour. my piano teacher says He's always smiling down on us, and i think that's true. but goshbubbles. sometimes i think He just straight up laughs at us sometimes. not in a cruel way, but in a "oh, that's so cute, if only she knew" kind of way. for example: when i got to college i thought that since i mostly had my style together and was confident in who i was, it would be super easy for me to get a boyfriend. and i thought i'd get one fast, and then God was like "lol you thought" and so i'm sitting here, still single, listening to aquaman and sobbing quietly. not really sobbing, but. i know this is not the time for boyfriends and things like that. or maybe i'm still trying to get that through my head. but i feel like God is up there chuckling to Himself, all like "oh, jocee, if only you knew." and He's right, because i don't think i do. 

3. i have little crescent moon shadows under my eyes. i think it's time to get some concealer. also, i want 1940s inspired sling-back sandal-heels. 

4. i think i've gotten so comfortable with being alone that i spend more time trying to avoid socialization than i do socializing. last night i hung out with my composer friend alex in her dorm with her friends and i realized that even though it wasn't much, what i needed was to spend some quality time with other people and talk about silly things. i think i've gotten a bit too serious. i think you need to make me step out and not let me turtle back into my little shell. because i'm super good at retracting, i just need to stretch more. 

5. i should probably exercise. and i need to change my diet, because this isn't working. 

6. nicholas petricca's dimple is so cute, oh my Lordest Jesus.

okay i'm done. i just needed to make sense of the things that were going on in my head. and i think i did that. i hope i didn't waste your time or anything, i just needed to talk. let's catch up again sometimes soon, yeah? yeah. 

-kiss kiss kiss, i said i'm not gunna take it from you i'll let you give it to me-
{pea ess: seriously been listening to walk the moon for eight days straight; they've intoxicated me, i tell you.}


i'm done now, let me go.

an angsty personal piece i did for my digital foundations in music class, it's short and to the point and explains what i want to say better than what i probably would've written out, i went to a great party today and i'm so tired and i want to shower and go to bed but i'm too tired to get up and i don't care anymore, i don't care if you see it because that is the reality and you need to know that it is not my fault. so. happy saturday, good night.

-kiss kiss kiss, think of the future-
{pea ess: to those who've been here since the beginning / have been hear near since the beginning, thank you so much. i got contacted this week from a sweet girl who's been reading for the longest time and her words were crazy encouraging, so i want to shout her out as well as any others who've done the same. y'all are crazy important. keep up the good work, i love you, i'm proud of you.}


i guess i'm doing youtube again.

so i'm making youtube videos again and i thought you should know. it seemed like the polite thing to do. 

-kiss kiss kiss, shangri las-
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