7.13.2014

i'm saying something.

it's almost as if when i say "things have been really hard lately and i can't explain that," things stop being really hard. at least in the specific area i'm referencing. and that's what happened a little after i wrote my last post. and it makes me wonder what the point was of saying anything. it makes me wonder if there was anything wrong at all. 

i think i was going to go somewhere with that and lead into the main point, but i can't find a way to put two and two together. i just saw something that made me think, and i want to talk about it. 

so i'm on my instagram and i'm one of those people who occasionally checks who likes my latest posts/how many likes, etc. (i probably do it obsessively, but i don't care.) and i noticed someone liked my post (it was a picture of plants) (i really like plants) who i didn't immediately recognize, so i clicked on their profile. (it was private. awkward.) fortunately, they had a blog link. and i clicked it. and it was this sweet girl. i didn't plan on scrolling much but i realized she only had like two posts, so i read them. and the second post really got my attention. it was amazing. 

i came to realize that when someone creates a blog, they often write an introduction post detailing what they're blog is going to be about, and then they write some cute, fluffy posts before really getting to their blog's content. i understand i can't say this for everyone, because everyone has different personalities and ways of approaching things, but this is what i've seen. 

madison's second post was about hurt. and it takes a lot of people a long time to get to the point of talking about it. maybe it's because they don't want to scare away their readers, maybe it's because it's not normally what they put out. sometimes people suddenly go against their flow and talk about something abnormal. maybe that's because they feel like they have to say something somewhere. maybe it's because they'll be eaten alive if they keep it in.  

i guess what i want to tell you is if you're hurting, please don't be afraid to say something. please don't feel the need to continue as if you're functionally properly when you're internally bleeding. in the blogging community that i know, people take the time to listen to you and try to understand what's going on. and even if you don't say something here, this applies to every area in your life. it took me months to tell someone i hated my body (again). and the fact that i stayed silent so long just added to the problem. so with whatever you're going through, even if you are afraid, talk to me. i'll listen. talk to someone you can trust. after all, you trust them for a reason. sometimes the first step is getting it off your chest. it's a part of letting go. 

i got the inkling{??} to write this post a few days ago, and since then i'd been battling off and on about whether or not i should post 4th of july photos or mention that i was up north for a week and a half. but i'm going to camp tomorrow, for two weeks. it's the same camp i've been going to since i was five years old. there won't be any guests posters this time, or scheduled posts. that's been tradition for a long time, i know, but i think now it's okay to deviate from that. 

i'm going to get myself back. it's been a long time coming, but it's here. 
i love you guys, and i hope all of you are doing okay, and if you're not, i trust you will be soon. 
-kiss kiss kiss, what to heq-

7.01.2014

the forgotten frames || june.

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i. helayna and i celebrated our one year anniversary on june 12th and i got a record player.
ii - vi. ate dinner at fuddruckers with my crazy yet adorable friends. i'm not responsible for some of those pictures.
vii. my sister really loves to read.
viii - xi. by the way, i got new glasses.
xii - xv. "we are such dorks. i love us."
xvi - xviii. these are my plants. their names are marcel, eponine, morticia and imogen. i love them a lot.

june has been one of the best months of my life. i graduated high school, spent a lot of money on a lot of different things
(including a new lens + tripod), and took naps. but things have been really hard lately. and i can't explain that.
at this rate, i'm just holding out for camp. only two more weeks.
-kiss kiss kiss, maleficent-

6.18.2014

melancholia.

i was at my grandparents' last weekend and they have the really good piano, so i decided to write something spur of the moment. well, not really, i just started playing with ninth/eleventh chords and this is what happened. and i like it. i've always kind of wanted to make an EP, and if i ever do, this will be the first track. it describes the mood of my time spent at conservatory last summer. i think it explains a lot, for me. so if you want, listen.


-kiss kiss kiss, stormborn-

6.09.2014

may's forgotten frames and a bit of june, too.

so, my baby (laptop) is back home. my hard drive was replaced and data recovered, but i still have to reinstall things like lightroom and my music software to get back to where i was before. i didn't take many photos in may, but what i have left are [unsurprisingly] selfies. this time, i'll let you check them out on my flickr because i want to show you something else. these.

6/8/14
6/8/14.4/25/14 - senior prom.
6/8/14.6/8/14.
i graduated from high school yesterday. and i think that's pretty interesting, considering i was never one of those people who constantly longed to be done or move out of my parents' house or whatever. i was never jumping up and down in anticipation or reminding the world that everyday was one day closer to moving the tassel from the right to the left. but i did it. and it was nice. everything was red white and blue (the star on the first cake is my school symbol) (i'm homeschooled) (i got to make it up). and the cake had my face on it. and my family came in town (we ate a lot of food). and loads of my friends came. there was piano playing and a slideshow and a slam poem and plenty of laughter and i just...
i never thought it could be like that. i really enjoyed it. and i guess i just wanted to tell you guys that.

also, my uncle and aunt bought me an instax mini, so i've been using it exclusively to take pictures.
i think i might let my digital rest and just use this for awhile. it's different because you only have ten slides per pack of film,
and the film is really expensive so you use it consciously and wisely. plus the look is really cute.

as i said in my impromptu speech, i'm really glad i stayed alive to get to this point. things are good right now. and i like it.
-kiss kiss kiss, everybody look down-



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